Monday, January 3, 2011

Retirement...

How can it be that I am old enough to retire...long past it too. Where did the time go? I see other people who are 66 years old and I cannot believe that I too...am just that old. I felt pretty darn old when I started drawing my Social Security. That was when I was 63 and then half of that went away when I started having to pay for Medicare last year!!

But now I am facing real retirement. I suppose I have been retired since I took maternity leave 31 years ago to have Jeff. I never went back to work after that. From that moment on, I was a stay at home mom. When Jeff was 2 and a half, I got pregnant with Jenny. At that point, I sorta knew that my "out of the house" working days were over. I never wanted to go back to work and have actually been very happy staying home with them, and after they were out of the house, I still never felt the need or desire to go back to work. I would have waves of wishing I was working and even looked for a job a couple of times, when I would possibly get close to actually HAVING a job, I would change my mind. I liked staying home too much.

I am 5 years and 5 months older than John. I never "felt" older than him and it has never been any sort of issue with us. He just turned 61 and is seriously talking about retiring. He is tired of working and wants to see what all the fun is staying home. Quite frankly, I'm not ready for him to retire!! It isn't like he has hobbies or things that he wants to do at home. But somehow, it worries me. Financially, we are in great shape. He has a lovely military retirement, plus he will be getting some government retirement and eventually SS. Money isn't the issue at all.

When the kids were little, I know that they consumed my every thought. I devoted myself to them and their activities. In the back of my mind, I worried about what life would be like with me and John when they were both out of the house. Well, since they have both been out now for over 5 years, I can tell you that worry was needless. We sort of drifted right into a natural "groove" for ourselves and it has actually been a really nice time with just the 2 of us. But he was going to work 5 days a week and even did a bit of traveling from time to time. I have always been Ms Independence and for whatever reason, it has all worked very well for us.

However, now I am facing the reality that he may be home all the time, every day. We always "get along" so I why should that worry me? I don't really think he will be as happy as he thinks he will day after day. I think he NEEDS something outside of the home to keep his mind active and occupied. In years past, his work has always been so important to him. As the years have gone by, I suppose he has "lost the flavor". I suppose time will tell in this situation. I think he has another few good years of working in him and I know he still has a lot to offer his employer. Maybe it is the fear of the unknown that has me worried. I guess the conclusion of this story is yet to come.

Am I being selfish? I'm not just thinking of me, I am thinking of him and his well being also. I guess I'm just venting now.