Feeling kinda useless today

I got up early today (for a change). It was 9:30 am and I had nothing to do. So I decided to just go to the craft store down the street and look around...I've always loved to do crafty things and I thought I'd look for a project. When I went in I was in a fairly good mood and I went up and down every isle there. I did see things here and there that sounded like they would be fun. I love doing things with modeling clay and beading. But I would talk myself out of each and every project I came to because I would say to myself..."what's the point". In the past when I've done art projects, I've usually had a little kid that I'm working with or playing with. I always loved doing these things with my kids. Jenny was particularly interested in these projects. I had a girlscout troup for many years and I think that was my big attraction. I just loved doing these projects.

I left the store and as I was walking to my car, I couldn't help but start to cry. I had no real reason to cry, but I felt extremely sad. I thought to myself...why should I be sad...then it hit me. I had NO ONE to play with. I didn't even have anyone that I could think of to make anything for. Handmade things are so very cheesy and no one really wants them. I had a feeling of overwhelming sadness. I felt useless!!

So, I drove home and as I pulled into the driveway, I could hear Stella and Cindy barking. I knew that they had heard me opening the garage door. As I walked in and continued to hear them bark, I started feeling anxious to get inside. When I did get in, they both were so excited. Stella immediately ran and got a toy for me to throw for her and Cindy was jumping straight up and down with joy. My heart felt happy. I knew how much these little girls loved me. I sat down and petted both of them and told them both how much I loved them. They do fill my life with joy.

I know that I am loved and I know that John needs me and I need him. I felt badly for even having a moment of feeling sorry for myself. I am very lucky in this life and I can say for sure that I'm walking better now than I have in years. I'll always have problems with my ankles and I may always need to use a cane. However...I could walk forever on my new knees. They are 100% better after the surgery.

Back from all my travels...

Kelly and I got back from our road trip to Charleston and Virginia Beach on Sunday. We had a great time and got to spend lots of quality time with Mlou and Linda. It is always fun to travel and see friends and relatives... But the best part of traveling is getting home. I lead a pretty dull life, but as they say "it's my life"...I like it this way.

I used to think I really wanted my children to live close to me. But as the years go by, I realize that we are all happier just like it is. I'm a twitter away from both of them and if I was in the same town, I'd probably be interfering with their lives.

I truly did enjoy being with Kelly. She will be 15 years old in October. I have been caring for her off and on ever since she was born. Even at 2 years old, she would come and spend weeks at a time with me and cry when she had to go home. I am amazed that she likes spending time with me, but she does seem to. The road trip went by very fast cuz we played loud music and laughed and talked the entire trip. I miss her.

The Visit with my Son, the Scholar!!!

I sure do miss Jeff....we spent every waking moment together for 2 weeks. What a sweet and wonderful son I raised. I am also very pleased with the relationship he has with John...such respect (for each other)...

We did a little bit of everything. Jeff has started eating fish and so I went on a fish cooking frenzy and he tried flounder, talipia, rockfish, mahi mahi and others I can't even think of. We stayed up til the wee hours of the morning and slept in just about every day...shopped just about every day and the big thing that he did for me was clean out my storage room...wow!!!! We took about 16 bags of stuff to the good will and another 4 carloads full of stuff. My storage room looks GREAT..thanks to Jeff. He also cleaned out his closet and the drawers in his room. He worked like a maniac while he was here.

I got a new fancy phone and bluetooth and he taught me how to use all of the special features. Now I can tweet and facebook from anywhere. I'm keeping up with technology!!!

Tomorrow he leaves for Albuquerque, NM for a weeklong History Convention. Cal State Northridge is sending him there with all expenses paid. He has built up himself quite a reputation in the "academic history" world and is making tons of contacts by going to these conventions. There is a freeze on hiring teachers in California, so I think he is going to have to look elsewhere while he completes his Phd. It would be great if he could find something at a museum as a curator or something along that line. Time will tell what he does until the freeze is overwith.

I am a happy mama right now because I know how well he is doing...and Jenny and Dave have just moved into a temporary sublet for 3 months, then they will be looking for a permanent place. She is sub-letting her college roommate's place while the girl goes to India to work on a reality show.

65 years and counting!!!!

ok, I had my 65th birthday. Jeff was here for 2 whole weeks. We had a great time and he flew back to Los Angeles yesterday. I miss him already.

You know what is bugging me? Well, turns out that when you turn 65 and you become eligible for Medicare, I had no idea of all the changes that come about. Who knew Medicare cost money? I guess I never thought about it before and sure, if you have this service, you should pay for it...but everyone is always saying how it is unfair and I just figured it was free. Of course, I figure it is fair to pay for it. Here is another thing. Since John was in the Navy for 31 years, I qualify for TRICARE FOR LIFE. Well, this turns out to be a pain in the ass also. When I called the other day just to make an appointment to renew my prescriptions, they tell me I've been dropped from the register at the clinic I usually go to. She said it was because I turned 65 and I have to re-register. I called the main hospital and I have to go in and sign up. She SAID I was more than 30 miles from the main hospital, so I would not be eligible to use the Fairfax Clinic, and I would just have to find a private physician. At first, this seems unfair...then I thought about it a while and thought....this is a good thing...I will get my healthcare all paid for and I don't HAVE to go to the military clinic. I can choose any doctor I want. I am feeling really good about this when the Tricare lady calls me back and said she made a mistake...I am only 16 miles from the main hospital and so I can continue at the Fairfax clinic. So, it appears that I can do either one I want to. I'm going to re-register and I can either go to the clinic or choose a private physician. The Military healthcare is set up like an HMO...so if I need a specialist...I have to get a referral. So, when I feel I need a specialist now, all I have to do is call that civilian specialist and as long as they take Medicare, I'm good to go. So, I can still go to the clinic for my runny nose and refilling my meds, and pick my own specialists. This is a good deal and I'm very happy with this turn of events. Turning 65 might not be so bad!!!

The Tricare lady told me that Medicare will pay 80% and Tricare will pay the 20% balance. What could be better than that?

There are many things they don't tell you about Medicare though. First of all, you MUST register for Part B or Tricare won't cover you!! Also, I got this letter from Medicare telling me that I am going to have to pay twice as much as the usual fee because my income is too high. What is that all about?? Oh well, nothing I can do about it. I guess I'll just be happy that I have health care for life. Who can complain about that?

BTW, my knees are doing great. I am going to visit Mlou in Charleston for a few days in August. I will drive down and my Faux Granddaughter Kelly...will be going with me. After having Jeff here for 2 weeks and feeling sad that he is gone, this gives me something to look forward to.