She was truly loved. When she died in February 1985 she had 13 grandchildren. She died in a nursing home owned by my neice and her grandchild and her husband. We were lucky in that regard because she didn't have to pay anything and everyone knew she was the grandmother of the owner. It was a sweet setup...but it was still a nursing home. She never wanted to go to a nursing home and she only went when she knew it was the best thing for her to do. Her mind was sharp as a tack right up to the very end. It was her body that gave out on her. To this day we aren't certain exactly what killed her.
It all began in April 1979. She came to stay with me while we waited for Jeff to be born. While she was there she showed me a lump in her breast. It was more on one of her ribs, but it was still a lump. She said she had been to the doctor a few weeks before and didn't mention it to him. She said if it was anything important, she thought he would have found it. I am sure the reason for that was FEAR. I told her I wanted her to go back to the doctor specifically to find out what that was when she got home. She said she wanted to go to a family reunion in July first. After that, she said she would go to the doctor.
She went to that family reunion and she ran into an old friend of hers. Someone she hadn't seen in over 50 years. He was a man who lived in their neighborhood way back when she was a young girl living with her parents. He was a little older than her and his wife had recently died and he had 2 little girls. He wanted to court mama, but her parents told him she was too young. She had forgotten about him til she ran into him all those years later at the reunion. They began a love affair. She was 72 and I don't know how old he was. He had remarried years before and his 2nd wife had died. Mama was in love again!! Daddy had been dead 11 years. His name was Leon. He lived in Alabama (where we were originally from) and mama lived in South Carolina, but he would come see her and he even gave her a ring. She was very happy.
Then she finally went to the doctor to find out about this mysterious lump. He said he couldn't be sure unless he biopsied. It was August 2, 1979 when she had the biopsy. I sat by the phone waiting for news. It was breast cancer and they did a radical mastectomy that day.
When she came home from the hospital we all took turns staying with her for weeks so she wouldn't have to be alone. It was me, my sister in law, Jan, Mlou and Bonnie who would take turns staying with her one week at the time. She was starting to recover...the doctor said her lymph nodes were clear, but he wanted her to have radiation anyway because the lump was actually growing on one of her ribs. She went through the radiation and then she started going downhill again. She seemed to get worse and worse. She couldn't breath and would cough all the time. She was weak and it became apparent that she could not live alone anymore.
I was the youngest daughter and I wanted her to come live with me. By this time Jeff was about 18 months old. We set her up with a hospital bed in our 3rd bedroom and things were going along pretty smoothly for a while. She had a really hard time walking. She never went downstairs unless John was home to carry her down. It was hard taking care of her sometimes and heartbreaking because she would get so sick sometimes. She needed oxygen 100% of the time. Jeff loved mama and she loved him so much. She read to him and he would lay beside her in the bed and tell him stories. I hope he remembers how much she loved him.
I loved my mama more than life itself. But when I became pregnant with Jenny, Jeff was 2 and a half and I had my hands full. It was so difficult changing her bed and taking all her meals to the bed and being up with her all night many nights because she would be so sick. Getting her to the doctor was a real challenge too. Mama felt so badly about me having to do everything for her. I know she hated it. John was in the Navy and he was gone part of the time too. I was overwhelmed to a large degree. This is when I kept the diary and wrote in it every single day pouring out my feelings in that book. It helped me so much, especially years later when I would feel so badly about mama being in the nursing home. She had to go there, I couldn't take care of her anymore, especially after my baby came.
One day, I was trying to help mama to the bathroom and she fell. There she was on the floor and I could not begin to pick her up. She couldn't get up. I went to a neighbor's house and asked the man to please help me get mama to my car. He back hurt and we just didn't know how badly hurt she was. We went directly to the emergency room. He doctor came there and they did xrays, etc. Turns out she was ok but the doctor told me that I could not take care of her anymore. In 2 months I would have a newborn and a 3 year old. He said he was going to put mama in the hospital for a week and during that time, I needed to have a plan for her.
Her granddaughter with the nursing home had already told mama she could come live at the nursing home but we were trying to avoid that. It was time for her to go there. But I didn't want her to leave before my baby was born. I wanted her to be there, I wanted her to hold my baby and to know my baby. Mama came home from the hospital and we had a plan. Jeff was so happy to see mama when she came home from the hospital. He said to her "you ar a sight for sore eyes"...we thought that was so cute.
So, my sister, Bonnie came to stay with us until the baby was born and then she would go with mama on the plane to Alabama where mama would then live in the nursing home. She stayed until Jenny was one month old. Thankfully, I have photos of her holding Jenny and we definitely created memories during that month after Jenny was born. It was in June 1982 that mama went to the nursing home. She lived another 2 and a half years at the nursing home. My neice would go see her daily. She had 2 daughters (mama's great grandaughters) and they loved mama too. I would go see her every 3 months. I did this and would take the children with me.
I have photos of Jeff and Jenny in bed with her at the nursing home. Jenny doesn't remember Nanny at all. She was only 2 and a half when she died. Jeff says he does have memories of her and remembers how much he loved her and he remembers the oxygen in her nose and going to the nursing home. He has good memories of her. And every memory I have of her is good. She was a truly self-less loving mother. She suffered so much in those last couple of years. Every time I saw her, I thought it would be the last. Earlier in my life, I thought I would die without my mother. She was my world...but after seeing her suffer so much. It was easier to let go of her and know that her suffering was overwith. I remember the very last thing I ever said to her. I was getting ready to go back to Virginia and I told her how much I loved her and I also told her that if my children would grow up to love me as much as I love her, then I would know that I had raised them right, and I would be a happy woman. I will always love my mother and it has been 25 years since she died. I miss her so much.
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i want to read more stories about nanny.
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