Feeling kinda useless today

I got up early today (for a change). It was 9:30 am and I had nothing to do. So I decided to just go to the craft store down the street and look around...I've always loved to do crafty things and I thought I'd look for a project. When I went in I was in a fairly good mood and I went up and down every isle there. I did see things here and there that sounded like they would be fun. I love doing things with modeling clay and beading. But I would talk myself out of each and every project I came to because I would say to myself..."what's the point". In the past when I've done art projects, I've usually had a little kid that I'm working with or playing with. I always loved doing these things with my kids. Jenny was particularly interested in these projects. I had a girlscout troup for many years and I think that was my big attraction. I just loved doing these projects.

I left the store and as I was walking to my car, I couldn't help but start to cry. I had no real reason to cry, but I felt extremely sad. I thought to myself...why should I be sad...then it hit me. I had NO ONE to play with. I didn't even have anyone that I could think of to make anything for. Handmade things are so very cheesy and no one really wants them. I had a feeling of overwhelming sadness. I felt useless!!

So, I drove home and as I pulled into the driveway, I could hear Stella and Cindy barking. I knew that they had heard me opening the garage door. As I walked in and continued to hear them bark, I started feeling anxious to get inside. When I did get in, they both were so excited. Stella immediately ran and got a toy for me to throw for her and Cindy was jumping straight up and down with joy. My heart felt happy. I knew how much these little girls loved me. I sat down and petted both of them and told them both how much I loved them. They do fill my life with joy.

I know that I am loved and I know that John needs me and I need him. I felt badly for even having a moment of feeling sorry for myself. I am very lucky in this life and I can say for sure that I'm walking better now than I have in years. I'll always have problems with my ankles and I may always need to use a cane. However...I could walk forever on my new knees. They are 100% better after the surgery.