Tired and sore tonight...

After all the walking I had to do today for all the various tests, etc. I'm totally sore all over and am having trouble even moving.  They had to draw more blood to test my thyroid and I had to pee in a cup again.  The good news is that my insurance will pay for a hospital bed for me here at home for the first 6 weeks.  I thought I'd have to rent one on my own, but the social worker will take care of it.  She had to make sure that I had crutches, walker, cane and wheelchair for use here at home.  The insurance will provide a physical therapist here at home too.

Earlier, I was talking about when I had breast cancer.  And what a rough time that was on all of us.  I tried to make light of the whole thing with the children. I assured them that I would be fine and it would only be a small interference in our lives, and all the while I had no idea how bad it was or if I would get better.  My hair started falling out a few days after my first chemo.  I would notice large clumps of hair on my pillow, so then when I combed my hair, it would come out in huge pieces.  I don't see how the women do it that don't shave their heads. Hair was falling everywhere all the time. So, I decided to shave it. I asked Jenny if she wanted to give me a mohawk.  She said yippee, yes that will be fun and we both rushed upstairs and I sat in front of the mirror as she shaved away.  It was a beautiful time for me and her.  We were laughing and joking about how silly it looked and she would do all kinds of funny things with the sheers. Then somehow, through the laughter, I felt very sad and didn't want Jenny to see that I was beginning to cry.  I looked over at her and a tear was coming down her cheek.  Our eyes met and at that moment, I felt so much love between us.  It is a moment in time that I will treasure forever.  She and I definitely "connected" on a truly loving moment between us.  We hugged each other and sobbed for a while.

In a way, I passed the torch at that time because I never had another period after that first chemo treatment. I was officially pushed prematurely into MENOPAUSE.  And at the same time, Jenny got her first period.  I always thought it was sort of poetic.  My hair came back in frizzy and more wirey than it was before.  To this day, it is different from the way it was before chemo.  The doctor said this is very common because the chemo kills the old hair root and another one is formed to take it's place and it can be the same or quite different. I've heard of other gals whose hair came back in a different color too.

When it came time for Jeff to go off to college, he just didn't want to leave home.  He seemed anxious to find a college away from home during his junior year of high school, but as the time got closer and closer for him to make a definite decision, he wanted to live at home the entire 4 years.  He graduated college in December 2002 and left to live in Los Angeles in January 2003. He was finally ready.

On the other hand, when it came time for Jenny to go to college, she knew she wanted to go out of state.  She even got a scholarship to a Virginia school and she didnt want to go there.  She had grown her wings and she wanted to FLY... We looked at NYU and Boston University and she decided she wanted to go to Emerson College in Boston.  It is a performing arts college and seemed to fit her needs exactly.  She flourished there.

I had a bit of adjusting to get used to my "empty nest".  I had been so involved with everything the kids were involved in and once they were out of the house, I needed to redefine myself. I'm still working on that.